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Midfield General - Midfielding lyrics
I love animals I'm always talking about animals I love ‘em But the thing is You know Whenever you see animals on telly It’s always the show off animals Yeah It’s always the leopards and panthers, Crocodiles and lions milling about going, "Oh I’m very good, I'm on everything." And it really makes me annoyed What about the English animals? The British mammals, yeah Herr, What about the, err the muskrat Or the tiny northern root vole, With his tiny little banjo and his hat made of elastic bands Yeah, who’s representing these? No-one, that's who... I was furious I went round all the heavily wooded regions in England And I just went round them with a small pamphlet Just recruiting like a huge slave rebellion I was like Spartacus I was there going "Ok we're going to go to Africa; we're going to kick their arses" And I got a huge sort of tiny little mammal slave rebellion They were all wearing tunics We were there sort of rummaging about Greece....well Kent And I said "C’mon were gonna go over there and were going to show 'em I’m sick of the lions, I’m sick of the crocodiles and you must be too! C'mon now" So I got 'em in a big rusty bomber and we flew over to Africa But we needed a strategy, we couldn't just go over there you know, Go "c'mon" and give them some aggro We needed a strategy So what we did was ermm... We built a huge wooden shrew Like the wooden horse of Troy but just a little bit more stoaty With tiny little stoat’s arms holding a spear And what we'd did we'd lined it, To make it double dangerous, we'd lined it all with Kit Kat wrappers Ooh it was fantastic; it was like a glossy bitch Oh it was so bright, it was a metallic wonder Small boys would rather eat a pair of scissors than go near the glossy bitch "Don't make me go near it; I'll eat another pair of scissors, I can't look at it; it's doing me pupils in" Oh it was fantastic, its was very war-like, the body was very war-like But the eyes, they were telling a different story Body war-like, eyes were like eyes of an Old Russian lady who'd seen too much An Old Russian lady with her arm caught in a louver And big sailors would walk past and go "Hello" And she'd go, "No not hello, my arm it’s caught in a louver" And they'd go, "Ha yes hello" "No not hello, it’s gone maroon, my arm it is in a louver" And he'd go, "Ha yes hello" And she'd go, "No not hello" And in the she'd have to pick up the two tonnes louver And walk and follow the home and knock on their front windows And he'd be going "Oh you're scaring me a little bit now" And that's what the eyes were like Dangerous but beautiful at the same time And what we did, is we cut two circles out of the base of the shrew So that Martin, Pie Martin could stick it little stoatly weasley legs through And wheel us around, it was fantastic, and we had no windows So we were crashing into antique shops, knocking over stationary yachts We were having a nightmare, eventually we found the plains and we waited till dusk Waited till it got a little bit dark, and we looked through a crack in the shrew They were all out there, Lions milling about And we thought "We're gonna get you, you freak nuts" So what we did, we waited till it was dark And we went out and we went "CHARGE" And we ran at them And when we got out there we couldn't believe it They were huge Lions the size of transit vans We couldn't... we didn't know what was happening Leopards like marques, "Awh he's like a Victorian tennis house, look at the size of him" Martin, the pie Martin, was in a right state and said "Flipping hell, I'm not going out there again; they're wolves in sheep's.., You didn't tell me they were going to be that huge" I was like "What’s happening to your voice?" He's "I don't know but I'm a bit scared" So we all ran back into the shrew and we were like "Ah no, what are we going to do?" And we had to come up with Plan B Luckily Morris the err wood pigeon went "I've got an idea" He'd brought Japanese tourist costumes along So we popped them on and went out there and took photos of 'em all Haa... but we used them cameras that fire water, ho yeah Some of the zebras were soaked Cheetahs were ring out their gussets We went over there and we kicked their arses Best weekend I've ever had! |
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